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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565340">better or worse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeiolite/pseuds/writeiolite'>writeiolite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:08:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeiolite/pseuds/writeiolite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>bokuto’s a good friend — the best friend anyone could ask for. it’s just not what you asked for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Konoha Akinori/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>better or worse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>crossposted on my tumblr, writeiolite</p><p>[ ! ] if you want to use this fic in a reading video (like ASMR or smth), please dm me on tumblr and get my permission first</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>“If you’re scared of anything then you can hold my hand!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bokuto said it so simply — as if it was the obvious choice. And at that age, it was. So you took his hand and let him defend and lead you through all his childish adventures, through your childhood, through middle school, and through high school. The whole time you held his hand up until you said you couldn’t. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He knew why and it pained him to see you hurting, but he didn’t know how to help. You explained it to him before, but that didn’t tell him what to do.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>How is he supposed to hold your hand when he’s the one hurting you?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bokuto and you have been side by side for as long as each of you can remember. Just for laughs, he’d recall the days where you and he would see who could hang off the monkey bars the longest. He’d remind you of the summers you two spent on his porch eating watermelon, where your legs were just barely long enough that your feet no longer dangled over the edge. He’d bring up the first time you introduced him to volleyball and he cried because you hit him in the face <em>really</em> hard with the ball. He’d talk about those nights in his second year of high school where you and his volleyball team would see who could eat the most after they had just won a game.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He loves all the moments he spent with you, but there are some he learned not to talk about. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he mentioned the year in middle school that he got Valentine chocolates from some secret admirer and he gave them away because he didn’t care for the holiday, you didn’t laugh.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he retold the story of how he swore he’d never go to a school festival with a date but got dragged there by Sakurai Momoe and had his first kiss, you didn’t laugh.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he brought up the time he got dumped by his first high school girlfriend and you cheered him up with the <em>worst</em> movie you both had ever seen and some video games, you cried.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He can be dense at times, but he knows when he’s hurt his best friend. He just never understood why. But how could he? </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Maybe they sent the chocolates? Or they’re upset that they didn’t get any that year.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Y/N’s parents wouldn’t let them attend the school festival that year, so I shouldn’t bring up something they wanted to go to.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I thought the movie part was funny, but now I remember that my Y/N and my ex never got along for some reason.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The signs may have been obvious to some, but Bokuto never saw them. He tried — he really did. He asked you about each time, seeking affirmation that he was right. Sometimes you said yes, other times you elaborated to make his explanations more clear. And once he was informed he never brought them up again for your sake.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He never liked seeing you hurt.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But somehow it was like you got hurt more and more as he spent time with you. And when the cherry blossom festival came around, he finally realized.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Quit holding my hand like that. Your hands are clammy,” you griped, yanking your hand away from his while he once again led you through another adventure underneath the pink and white branches hanging over you. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I can wipe them off,” he proposed, already in the act of doing so. You still didn’t let him take your hand, which bothered him. You had become so guarded around him and he didn’t understand. It was your third year of high school — after that, you two wouldn’t ever see each other again. He had told you the previous year that he wanted to do everything on his Third Year Bucket List with you, so he didn’t understand your reluctance at the time. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“C’mon, Y/N, we <em>have</em> to ride the paddle boat!” You didn’t have the same gusto as him, but you went along anyway. And finally, he asked what was going on with you. He felt like he should’ve seen that answer coming. If your actions weren’t a sign, the romantic setting turning oddly dark should have been. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’ve been in love with you for years now, Bokuto. But I know you don’t feel the same.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He didn’t know what to say to you after that. Being who he is, he said the first thing he thought was appropriate. “Well, you don’t have to stay in love with me, right? We’re friends — always have been and always will be. I think that’s the best thing in the world.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It sounded nice enough at the time, and he thought things seemed normal enough. But suddenly after the two of you graduated he noticed your friendship change. You two had gone to different schools — maybe that was part of it. That never stopped him from texting or calling you or sending you posts on Instagram. If anything, the distance made his heart grow fonder. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He shared his achievements with you and during school breaks, he made an effort to meet up with you if you were both at home. Your second year of university during summer break was the last time he saw you — the last time you two shared watermelon on his back porch with your elbows propped on your knees and feet in the grass.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Did he feel like he lost a best friend? Maybe a little. He wondered if you felt the same, better or worse. And years later he got his answer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A wedding invitation. Not from you — from his old high school teammate Akinori Konoha and soon-to-be Akinori Y/N. Like any best friend, he attended the wedding with gifts and smiles, writing his name in the guest book proudly and sitting beside Akaashi during it all. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Did you feel like you lost a best friend? Did you feel better? Did you feel worse? He hadn’t thought about that question in years and wrote it off as stupid. That didn’t matter now — everything happens for a reason and he’s here now seeing you at the happiest he’s ever seen.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> </p>
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  <p> </p>
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  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <strong>But he feels worse.</strong>
  </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://writeiolite.tumblr.com">read more fics, talk to me, and show support on my tumblr.</a>
</p><p>[ ! ] if you want to use this fic in a reading video (like ASMR or smth), please dm/inbox me on tumblr or comment here and get my permission first</p></blockquote></div></div>
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